I actually enjoyed the sensations of labour — which I truly did not believe would be possible for me

I had done a hypnobirthing course online previously but I found it really helpful to have the face to face sessions with Nancy. I felt like the information was so much more in depth and having a physical time and place helped me keep on track, instead of frantically trying to cram in some video lessons a few weeks before my due date (which was very counterproductive and stressful!) It felt really reassuring having information from someone I knew and trusted and I felt like Nancy really tailored the sessions to our individual needs. She was also fantastic at pointing me towards extra resources for specific challenges that arose during my pregnancy.

I was really anxious about having a natural labour after a very traumatic first experience. The sessions with Nancy really helped me mentally prepare for labour so that when the time came I felt relaxed, empowered and excited to meet my baby. My partner and I felt well informed and we were armed with all the tools we needed to advocate for ourselves and communicate my needs for a positive labour experience. The first stage of labour was such a beautiful experience, I used the breathing exercises and visualisations to keep myself grounded and actually *enjoyed* the sensations of labour (which I really didn’t believe could be possible for me before taking the course). Transition got intense but I knew what was happening so I was able to stay grounded and feel excited that my baby would soon be here. Even when I haemorrhaged during the third stage of labour, I remembered the discussion about necessary and unnecessary medical interventions and I felt safe and calm knowing that it was something that could be medically managed.

I first met Nancy during a birth group when I was pregnant with my second baby. I was very anxious about giving birth after a very traumatic experience with my firstborn, and I felt pretty jaded about my experience with hypnobirthing. I had done an online course (with a different company) to prepare for my first baby and felt that it set me up for unrealistic expectations of labour. My experience hadn’t been perfect and pain-free, I hadn’t been able to ‘breathe my baby out’, and I felt like a failure for needing a lot of medical interventions.

After speaking to Nancy, she reassured me that a ‘perfect labour’ wasn’t the goal, but that hypnobirthing was supposed to empower you to have a positive experience, whatever the outcome. We discussed the difference between necessary and unnecessary interventions, and I ultimately decided to attend her in-person hypnobirthing course – and I’m so glad I did! I truly believe it made the world of difference to my birth experience. Straight away, I appreciated the scientific, evidence-based approach.

I felt like I knew what to *realistically* expect from labour this time around, and I felt empowered to advocate for myself to have the birth I wanted. I feel like there is a lot of pressure in the hypnobirthing community (especially on social media) to choose a completely intervention-free, home birth at all costs. After discussions with Nancy during our sessions, I felt confident choosing a water birth at the local midwife-led unit with an epidural as part of my birth plan. I knew I was high risk for haemorrhage, so I didn’t want a home birth with the stress of having to transfer to the hospital.

The pregnancy itself was somewhat complicated. I was consultant-led due to my ‘advanced maternal age’ (37, lol) and right from the beginning, they started pushing interventions on me. I was told that I had to take daily aspirin due to a risk of blood clots and pre-eclampsia, I was extremely anaemic and had to have iron infusions, I needed multiple glucose tests because baby was measuring large and they were convinced I must be diabetic (I wasn’t) and they kept pushing for a c-section due to baby’s size. Then I tested positive for Strep-B which complicated my labour plans. And finally, I was told that I had a low-lying placenta, there was ‘next to zero’ chance of it moving out of the way after a certain point in the pregnancy, and that I should prepare myself for an emergency c-section as a result.

Nancy was excellent at pointing me in the direction of evidence-based resources to help me navigate all of these complications, which really helped me keep a cool head. I also enlisted the help of a local doula who came with me to appointments and helped me sort out the facts from the over-caution (no, you don’t defacto need a c-section for a baby that is projected to be large. Yes, anaemia needs treating. Yes, low-lying placentas can and often do move out of the way. No, having strep-B doesn’t mean you have to give birth on a labour ward attached to an antibiotic drip). I could go on! I was told my placenta moved out of the way at the very last minute (37 weeks!) and I went into labour 6 days later, on election day, after about a week of prodromal labour.

By this stage, I was big, uncomfortable and extremely fed up. I just wanted it all to be over and to *finally* hold my baby. So, election day came and my partner drove me to the local polling station with our toddler in the back seat. As we were leaving, we hit a pothole and I felt something like an elastic band snapping in my tummy. I didn’t realise what it was at first, until I moved to get out of the car and water flooded the seat!

Suddenly, I felt SO excited!

It was like a euphoric rush of adrenaline – finally, it’s happening! My partner dropped me off at home and took our toddler to a friend’s house to stay the night. I told him not to rush back- my surges were barely perceptible at this stage, and I just wanted to chill in the shower by myself and listen to some music to get in the zone for labour. I stayed in the shower for about an hour, listening to my body and feeling the surges come and go. They felt like a swelling and receding sensation, I wouldn’t even have recognised them as labour if my waters hadn’t broken. I really enjoyed this part of my labour, just me and my baby in a safe little cocoon at home. After about an hour, my partner came home and packed the last of our stuff.

My surges were coming faster and faster, but they still didn’t feel very strong. Eventually, I decided it was time to phone the midwife-led unit, and they told me to come straight over. I had heard horror stories of labour wards refusing to admit women because they didn’t believe they were in labour, and I dreaded having to ‘prove’ myself. Not being listened to when I need help is a major trigger for my medical anxiety. Fortunately, the midwife on the phone only asked me the timing of my surges and if I felt like I was in labour. She took me at my word, and told me they’d get the pool ready for the water birth!

The drive to the MLU was very calm.

I had my TENS machine on, and I was listening to positive affirmations on my headphones. My partner was squeezing my hand for some distraction during surges. Overall, we were both very calm and confident, but I was somewhat anxious to just get to the MLU and hunker down for labour. When we arrived at the MLU my anxiety peaked. I hate hospitals, and whilst the MLU was nicer than a labour ward, it was still a medical setting and it triggered my nervous system a bit. We forgot my birth plan at home, so I had to take my headphones off and discuss my birth plans with the midwife, which took me out of the zone, and my surges instantly started to feel more like pain than pressure.

I told them on no uncertain terms that I DID NOT want gas and air – it made me completely loopy during my first labour and started a horrible cascade of interventions. I also told them that I was planning to use an epidural when the pain got too much to manage through hypnobirthing techniques, and they assured me that they wouldn’t try to discourage me when the time came. I also told them I didn’t want any cervical checks, which they agreed was fine with them. I refused IV antibiotics for Strep B because I was asymptomatic and didn’t have a fever, and they said that I could go ahead, but I’d have to stay in for monitoring for 24 hours after.

Once the anxious admin bit was out of the way, I instantly felt a lot better. The midwife took me to the birthing pool, and my partner set up fairy lights and music whilst I practised some visualisations. Once I was settled in the pool, the rest of my labour felt like such a magical experience.

I felt so focused and strong, and I actually enjoyed the sensations of labour, which is not something I ever thought I’d be able to say!

The atmosphere was calm and cosy, and the midwives left us to it for the most part. I felt this really intense connection with my partner during this stage, and he felt secure in his role of protecting my space and keeping me comfortable.

I spent about two hours in the pool like that, just vibing and breathing through surges. I felt like a total badass! Things got really intense during transition, but I was able to recognise what was happening and was excited that my baby would be here soon. My partner saw the change in me and was able to keep me grounded with some gentle touch and breathing.

I decided at this point that I wanted the epidural, but the midwives told me that I was starting to push and the baby was going to be here before they could get an epidural ready. I was really irritated at the time because I was very explicit about the fact that I wanted an epidural over gas and air, and I felt like they were using delay tactics to encourage an unmedicated labour.

In hindsight, though, I really didn’t need an epidural… 20 minutes later, my baby was here! I did end up using gas and air in the end to get me through that final 20 minutes, and it was completely fine.

The moment my baby was born, I felt instant relief and a flood of euphoria! I just held him straight to my chest and cried with joy. That moment just felt so magical. I couldn’t believe I’d actually done it this time. He was 9ibs, healthy, and he was born without any interventions.

But more importantly, I had a really positive, really special experience. Immediately after passing the placenta, I haemorrhaged. I was rushed upstairs to the hospital for treatment, but I managed to stay calm and felt quite safe knowing that it was something that could be medically managed. In the end, I lost 1.2 litres of blood and I felt pretty weak afterwards, but It confirmed to me that I’d made the right decision not to have a home birth. I was able to keep baby with me the entire time and actually had him latched on my boob for the whole thing!

Once the bleeding was controlled, we were given our ‘golden hour’ where we just fed and cuddled in a private room, just me and baby and my partner. Afterwards, a lovely midwife helped me to clean myself up and put some fresh clothes on, and I ate piles of the most comforting jam on toast I’ve ever had – I swear that tea and toast after labour has life-giving properties! I

ended up needing to stay on a ward for two days after labour, but my baby never showed any signs of Strep B, and I never needed blood transfusions. When we got home, I felt so proud of myself for achieving the labour I wanted. It felt like the odds were stacked against me with a list of pregnancy and labour complications that could have easily started a cascade of interventions, and I felt so empowered, knowing that I’d advocated for myself in an informed way.

The labour itself was so calm and peaceful and that’s an experience I’ll always carry with me. I still can’t believe I was in the pool rocking out to Pink Floyd and breathing through surges like it was no big deal!